Toilet Spirits lurk in outhouses. They are not visible to the human eye, but they may snap at your tuchus or, heaven forbid, cause you to have a stroke. The locals say you should not have relations within a half mile of an outhouse or your children may be born with epilepsy. Since there is nowhere in Kahal that is not a half mile from an outhouse, I do not believe this to be true as we do not have an epidemic of epilepsy among children. I would recommend not having relations in an outhouse, but that would be true even without the existence of Toilet Spirits.

The best cure is prevention in the case of the Toilet Spirit. Say this incantation before entering the outhouse: “On the head of a lion and on the nose of a lioness we found the spirit named Bet Shirika Panda. With a bed of leeks I felled him, and with the jaw of the donkey I struck him.” Do not wear or hang amulets in a privy, especially those with passages of the Word!

Commentary #

Unfortunately, Rafa Midwife Irit bet Rina v’ Sassoon of blessed memory discovered a connection between toilet spirits and epilepsy in children. 

If a Toilet Spirit touches a child under one, then the child is significantly more likely to develop epilepsy. Therefore, do not bring your baby to the outhouse. It is much safer to ask a family member or neighbor to watch them when you go.

A pregnant person should make sure to always spit three times and say the above initiation before using an outhouse. Some pregnant people choose to use a commode in their home as an extra precaution, which they clean straight away.

-Rosh Rafa Malki 

I will not say who for the patient’s privacy, but I treated my first patient with teeth marks on his tuchus! Truth be told, he needed my counseling more than medical treatment. After the incident, he kept clutching his crotch. -Rafa Shai